“Saying goodbye might not be as bad as you think.”

Relationships are so beneficial for both parties when things are great. When things start to go awry or each individual grows apart then the relationship has a dilemma on its hands. Not only is it hurtful but breaking up can certainly be awkward. It’s common that one of the partners in the relationship may want to stay in the relationship and work it out or they just don’t want to deal with the reality of it all. Moving on could be the best thing for both parties as this could represent a positive change in both people’s lives. There may be a tendency to hold on longer just because that is the easy route. Saying goodbye might not be as bad as you think.

The gift of goodbye that is what your breakup is. It is a gift, it is a blessing, it could be just what you need. Everything you are asking for is now making its way to you because your breakup is the blessing. You can rest your head at night knowing that what your hurt was affiliated with is no longer your problem. No more lies, no more stories, no more hurt and pain, just no more. You have to be able to see the blessing in your breakup. You deserve peace and you definitely deserve happiness. You deserve love and you deserve respect. You are not someone’s other, better than that you are the one. So get excited for all that is coming your way. It’s time to heal; this is your time to work on you. It’s not easy to heal from a break up but it can be done. Relationships no matter how long or short are not guaranteed to last forever. It may be time to say goodbye in order to be the best version of you.

-Thank you L.D. for sharing this learning experience!

“Our environment should not limit our choices in life!”

We are all a product of the environments that we have been exposed to some good and some bad. When you look around the world there are children and adults that are dealing with the negative impacts of the environments in which they live in. We have been taught about peer pressure and the effects of those that we come in contact with each day. There are those that have less than adequate resources such as the disparity with schools for the lower class as compared to the resources afforded by the upper and elite societies. Many of the less fortunate resort to illegal activities as a means to survive when they feel there are no other options available. Most of us are not faced with the extreme circumstances as previously described; however, we still face decisions based on what we are exposed to and influenced by. A negative environment can change who we are as we react to our surroundings instead of being steadfast as to whom we are. Many relationships fail as a result of the feeling that we lost ourselves along the way as the relationship turned us into someone we did not like. How can we add alternative options to our lives so we avoid succumbing to the negative aspects of the environment in which we live?

Our environment shows us the options that are present within our environment but does not represent all options. We must first understand who we are as individuals and what we want our life to resemble. Throughout or lives we will be faced with environmental dangers in which our choices will be key to our success and happiness or lack thereof. People teach us more of what not to do or what not to be then we are taught what to do or what to be. Lessons learned based on our bad experiences can take a toll on us. Regardless of our environment we should not only be able to thrive and be our true selves, we should not let anyone or anything transform us into someone that is not an accurate representation of ourselves. Our relationships with friends, family or significant others should be one that allows us to be who we are. If we are not desirable to others for whom we are then we should be okay with that as we move on and look for those the value and appreciate how we are. We are all works in progress and our environment can mold or shape us if we allow it. We should challenge ourselves to remain true to who we are and we should be the determiner of how we grow, develop and the choices we make, not our environment!

“Do you know what you want your life to look like?”

Have you really thought about how you want your life to be? Do you think it’s too late to paint a new picture and start over? Painting our life’s picture gives us a vision to work towards one that represents some semblance of happiness and fulfillment. If we do not paint our picture or vision it may end up very different than we ever thought it could be. Paintings can tell a story that may require a little imagination to put it all together. Features within the painting may point to pieces of the story within the painting. If your life painting was in an art gallery what do you think onlookers would see within your painting? It’s never too late to pull out a new canvas, mix a few colors and create your masterpiece. Don’t worry about the critics, it’s your life not theirs. Who would be captured in your painting? Would your painting reflect on your past experiences which can lead to what your future would look like?

If we haven’t envisioned our life painting, how would we start our painting? No matter what point in life that you are in, the idea is to paint your picture of how you want it to be in the short and/or long term. It could be that your painting is mostly complete or you have a blank canvas. Your painting may require mixing of colors which could be the equivalent to experimenting with interests or your career. Once you have tried a few different colors you choose one that you like and put it on your canvas. As you define important parts of your life your painting will start to take shape. Your style, where you want live, who your mate is, what your career focus is and experiences that help shape your life painting. Your vision or painting can be your road map to happiness simply by sketching your outline and then as the months and years take place you fill in your sketch lines with color and substance. If you have not envisioned what your life painting looks like, choose your canvas, you paint colors and your style to produce your own work of art. Let art imitate life that way you would like to see it!

“Success cannot be achieved without failure first.”

All of us have gone through troubling times in our lives with some much more difficult than others. When I say difficult I mean the type where giving up, quitting, or ending it all seems like the easiest option. We will all go through tough times more than once in our lives and how we deal with these tough times will be critical to our successes. Failure can be devastating to say the least, can damage our egos, or can appear to be a false representation of who we really are. If we make a grave mistake or a misstep, that should not be a determiner of our character or change who we are. It is also easy to succumb to the situation we fell into and let that situation take over our lives. At times we can find it extremely difficult to climb out of the rut; many never recover and stay in their rut. Remember that you are not the only one that has gone through a similar situation and that persevering will only make you stronger and more equipped to handle the next tough time in your life.

Success or the lack there of can be attributed to how we approach each situation and can have a lot to do with the environment we are in. We certainly have to take responsibility for any actions we have taken that had negative impacts to us or others. If our intent at work, school, in relationships or anything we do is good, then we can feel good about what happens next even if we fall short of the mark. Our environment can play an integral part in our success; however, we cannot let our environment dictate our success. If your school does not provide the support you need to be more successful then work harder or go to a better school. If you work place does not invest in your development or does not have advancement opportunities then find a better job. If your partner or mate does not want the same things in life then find one that you have mutual goals with. When we fail, don’t blame it on anyone else or the environment. When we succeed give credit to those that have helped along the way but also give yourself the credit you deserve. Being the best version of you requires learning from past mistakes and coming out as the next better version…You 2.0!

“Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it!”

We all go through spells where we are not as happy as we would like to be. Could we be adding to our own unhappiness? The things or people that make us happy are determined by our own choices whether good or bad. The sources of our happiness can vary throughout the year or could be dependent on what we are going through at that particular time. This should mean that our happiness is not always based on the same people or circumstances. We often acknowledge to ourselves or others that we are not happy and we sometimes know the exact cause of our unhappiness. When we have identified the source or root cause of our unhappiness, what happens next? Do we dwell on this unhappiness even if it is out of our control or it cannot be changed? Sources of unhappiness could be in the past or could be ongoing. Either way if we are looking for happiness in the same place that we lost it, we could be adding to our own unhappiness.

The people we choose to interact with are just that, a choice. If we continue to associate with people that have made us unhappy in the past, we should not expect different results. Instead, we should look to associate with people that add to or contribute to our happiness. These people are encouraging, understanding, provide insight, and are genuinely positive aspects of our lives. We can increase our happiness by removing those that do not add to our happiness and by adding more people that are positive influences for us. Is your environment or home a source of unhappiness? If so identify what about your environment could use a change. For instance, make plans to move to a place that is better suited for you and make it fun. We spend the vast majority of the day at work so it is important that we don’t mind going to our jobs each day. If our job is not a good fit for us, make a concerted effort to find a new company to work for and make sure you know what aspects of your job should be better. If we are looking for happiness in places that are sources of unhappiness then we need to change where we are looking. If we lost our happiness then find a new source of happiness as oppose to looking in the same places.

“Do you have a mate that matches your hustle?”

Are you dating someone that is out of your league? Does your mate have the same ambition for life that you have? Wouldn’t life be better if you had someone that had similar aspirations as you? These are all thought provoking questions. If you have to talk to someone other than your mate about your goals because goals are just not that important to your mate, you may be selling yourself short. If your mate hinders you from achieving your goals or is just counterproductive, that can be a less than desirable situation. Do you want to go back to school, go for that promotion, make smart investments, or save for the future; however, your mate is just not interested? Don’t accept a relationship that is not evenly yoked. How much farther in life can you get to if you and your mate were to progress together?

We all want to be successful and there are many people that procrastinate or just never make goal setting a priority. The old saying that there is power in numbers can certainly be applicable to your relationship and achieving individual and mutual goals. Find your Bonnie or your Clyde and do great things. Be inspirations to your children, to your family, to your friends and show them how to develop their hustles. Make sure you are part of team that wants to win in life, not a team the watches everyone else win. Your mate should be a partner, a motivator, a supporter, and a resource. If you and your mate set and reset goals together you will have someone that matches your hustle.

“Relationships are born from the things, interests, and people we have in common.”

If you had no friends or a significant other how would you go about finding new relationships? What are the things that you would want in these new relationships? As we look around at the people that are in our lives, those that we have the best relationships with are often those we have so much in common with. We enjoy the same interests such as recreation, foods, hobbies, passions etc. and these commonalities serve as the foundation that we build our relationships upon. When these commonalities don’t exist or change, there is often a loss of interest, less time spent together, or regular disagreements. The beginning of a really great relationship often starts with; I like that too, really me too, no kidding what a coincidence. It is important to know what the foundation is for each of our relationships, what we love about our relationships, what the benefits of our relationships are, and what is required to successfully maintain our relationships.

Take a look at one of your closest relationships as ask yourself how much do the two of you have in common. Do you have fifty percent of the same things in common? Or is it sixty, seventy, or even eighty percent of the same things in common. I have learned that my best relationships have at least seventy percent of the same things in common if not more. There is an ease in talking, planning out the day, planning a trip, where or what to eat, life priorities including education, family, finance, health, fitness and more. The relationship has a distinct feeling of happiness, support, encouragement, and an overall healthy disposition. What about the things that the relationship does not have in common? Those things become unique characteristics of each person that make them who they are. It is the individual interests that allow each person time away from the relationship and serves as a healthy reminder of how great it is to experience someone that you have so much in common with. The old saying is that opposites attract; should the new saying be “commonalities not only attract, but last”?

“We must not rest on our laurels and instead continue to do things that equate to success.”

Achievement is great and we are bound to do great things as long as we set our goals accordingly. How long do we rely or lean on our past successes? If all we do is talk about what we’ve done last year or five years ago what does that say about us? Are we resting on our laurels so much so that are frontal view is blocked because we are only looking in the past. Janet has a very famous line from one of her more popular songs where she asks the question “what have you done for me lately?” We may need to ask ourselves what have we done lately that is a continuance to our life success.  We don’t get a pass in life just because we had some success. There are singers and groups that get put into a category called “one-hit wonders” denoting that they only had one relevant song and nothing else worth noting after their success. Our lack of persistence to strive for excellence could be the main reason we have not done anything lately.

A sports team wins a championship and they celebrate this momentous achievement which was a result of a collective effort by the coaches, players and the others that contributed to the team’s success. The great teams celebrate for a brief period and then begin to get ready for the next season. Is this why they are so successful? Success for us as individuals is also only momentary, we celebrate and we must move on to what’s next. Regular life resets, creating goals and expecting more from life are great ways to continue success. A relationship does not last because we were a great catch 5 years ago; however, it lasts because we continue to do things that make our mates happy and feel appreciated. At our jobs we expect the same performance review score each year even though we have not done anything new the next year. With every new goal or challenge we can expect to take a few steps backwards until we grow from our new challenge. The growth eventually propels us forward and with that growth comes success. Our accomplishments should be the triggers to ask ourselves the question, what’s next? Success is not a one-time thing but it is momentary and even more importantly success must be continual as we avoid resting on our laurels and do things that equate to success!

“It’s okay to be a little selfish.”

Not putting yourself first may be causing you a bit of unhappiness and you don’t even realize why. Often we give too much of our time to friends, family or even at work. Is it because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or we just try to help too much. When we don’t save enough time for ourselves we tend to lose out on things that we need to do or want to do.  Is our energy being depleted on a regular basis so much so that we feel that we are working for everyone but ourselves? Do we miss out on opportunities or just don’t have the wherewithal to do the things we really want to do. Do you often find yourself making bad choices because you are reluctant to say “no” when someone needs your help? Have you ever been more concerned with someone else’s feelings so much so that you disregard your own feelings? There are times in a relationship that we need to end the relationship; however, we worry more about how ending the relationship will hurt the other person. More importantly, does staying too long in a relationship hurt us or are we just ultimately hurting the other person by not being honest about how we feel.

It’s okay to be a little selfish in order to make sure we are making ourselves happy. We need to balance the time we allocate to help others so that have plenty of time for ourselves. We all need some “me time” to do things that provide refreshment for our minds, bodies, and souls. There are times where peace of mind, no conflict, and just an easy going experience can make all the difference in how we feel. How we feel is very important to our mindset and disposition. We need to protect our feelings by being a little selfish and not putting other’s feelings before our own. Being selfish with our energy can go a long way to prevent us from being emotionally and physically drained from those that tend to be negative. In fact, we need energy to become healthier, more productive, try new things, and take care of our responsibilities.

Please share your thoughts on this topic by adding a comment, looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

“Peace of mind may be the most important aspect of our lives.”

We all need a peace of mind in our lives or we can expect a continued rough road ahead of us. Peace of mind is defined as a feeling of being safe or protected. When our relationship with our significant other is on rocky road, there is stress and an uneasy feeling that makes it difficult to endure. When our health is in question and we are waiting on test results to come back our thoughts can be filled with unrest. When there are rumors at our job that there are looming changes on the horizon that include cutbacks, layoffs, or no merit increases. If we are struggling financially and living paycheck to paycheck, in fact most of us are, how we are going to pay our bills may be all too familiar. The things that ensue when there is a lack of a peace of mind can be devastating. There is a lack of trust in almost everything we do and the people we come in contact with. There is a stress level that can take a toll on us that could also make us resort to things that we would normally not do as a way to cope with our current circumstances. Is having a peace of mind that significant?

How can we create a peace of mind for ourselves? It starts with the things in our lives that we are in control of that contributes to creating our feeling of being safe or protected. At our jobs we know that there are many of our coworkers that do just enough to skate by; conversely, we should take pride in the work we do and the value we provide. When uncertainty at our jobs arises, those that have the perception of being a slacker are the ones that should be worried not us. When we live our lives we should do so with both our short and long term health in mind. This should give us a peace of mind with our health if we eat well, incorporate regular exercise and visit our doctor each year without fail. We must be in control of our financial security by creating realistic budgets that allow us to not only pay our bills on time but put us in a position to save a minimum of ten percent each month. When we can establish 6 months of our salary in savings then we have a great sense of security whether some unusual expense occurs or there is a loss in job or income. Being open and honest with our significant other helps to remove any ambiguity on how each person in the relationship feels. With great and regular communication there can be a great sense of security as we tackle life’s challenges. Ask yourself how important is a peace of mind in your life?