“We must deal with what is real instead of what should be!”

Have you ever been stuck on how your life is in its current state? At times we can be consumed with all of the things that have not gone according to plan and we continue to live in frustration. Some of us had a dream of how our life would consist of such as having a great job, a big house, our dream car, being happily married with kids and a few pets etc. Well if you are living your dream you’re probably in the minority as the rest of us are asking ourselves the question what happened? There comes a point in life where many of us have embraced our reality and we may even blame others where we are in life. It may be time for a reality check.

The old adage that life gives us lemons and we have to make lemonade with them or whatever you favorite food made of lemons is, can be very fitting here. What are we going to make out of life with what we have today and where we are? It may be a good time to pause and re-evaluate what our life is and make the most out of our circumstances until we can change them to be what we want. Let’s focus on the good that is present in our lives including reflecting on the progress we have made up until this point. Be okay that our life vision has changed a bit; however, we cannot be complacent and we must continue to set new goals and reset them over and over again. We may have reoccurring dreams when we sleep at night but it does not mean that we won’t have new dreams along the way. Be okay with altering you dream by incorporating our reality as we strive to improve our lives.

“We can be the light in the darkness!”

Everything around us can feel dark, gloomy, depressive and full of negativity at times. We are exposed to bad influences or we can be the bad influence and not even realize it. There are times throughout our lives where there is a lack of hope and things look bleak. People turn to drugs and alcohol or other vices to numb the pain of life. How does someone dig themselves out of the being destitute or lacking hope? How do people get out of their own way? What are the things that individuals can do to improve their lot in life? Is it realistic to think that regardless of our circumstances, whether self-inflicted or not, that any of us can guide ourselves to a better space whether it be related to our mental, physical, emotional or financial state. We may need to lean on someone else if we are being honest with ourselves.

Those that are in a dark place and are struggling need assistance at times and those that are in a great place can help. We can be someone else’s light by encouraging them, guiding them, inspiring them and being a positive influence in their life. Most if not all of us are willing to help someone that wants to help themselves. As we look around at our family, friends, co-workers and classmates, there are people that need our help. You never know the impact that you can make that may be the very spark that gets someone back on track in life. We must not put ourselves at risk by providing help that ultimately hurts us. We can be a source of inspiration and knowledge as so many people in the world are without mentors. As good people get lost, we can be the light that illuminates the dark and provide hope for those we come in contact with.

“Be proud to be of color but think white!”

Minorities often complain about the inequities that can be seen in the world that has been dictated and has been beneficial by Whites generation after generation. Today minorities are as close as they have ever been, at any time period in history, to closing the gap which is still extremely wide. Poverty is the far to common for blacks and those of color. People of color are routinely categorized as lower middle class, and are not far from poverty. Upper middle class for blacks is not living paycheck to paycheck and being able to take vacations, save for retirement, buy a home comfortably and other things that represent a decent quality of life.  Blacks don’t regularly look at wealth as being realistic, whereas whites expect wealth, live wealthy, get wealthier and cannot fathom not being wealthy. Whites hire people that look like them whether they are qualified or not and keep the great jobs in the family or in their race. Where do we start to change our way of thinking, is it education, entrepreneurship, by owning our communities? When are we going to stop saying whatever I have is going to my grave with me!

Build wealth and leaving a legacy is a great place to start. How many of you friends are well off because their parents or close relatives left them something of significance such as an inheritance of liquid assets, property or a lucrative business. As young adults did we embrace the advice given to us by our parents or those that were influential to us? Did we create a tougher life for ourselves because we did what we wanted in lieu of what we needed to do? We have to start making two parent homes the standard and not the exception. With power comes great responsibility; with ownership comes power to make change including who we hire. We have to lives within our needs and not within our means; we cannot create wealth if we are making others wealthy through conspicuous consumption. We must balance our spending with asset accumulation. We must start raising the bar on everything we touch including our careers, empowering our children, wealth management, and understanding things outside of what we know to increase our knowledge. Life insurance and real estate ownership can leave our beneficiaries assets that can be expounded upon with each generation. Changing our ways does not mean we change our color.

“Do you love people for who they are?”

Has anyone ever told you that they loved you unconditionally? Buck naked in the field is just that, meaning without our worldly possessions, jobs, money, homes or the other tangible things that people associate us with. How many celebrities, wealthy people, or well-known people become attractive solely on the basis of their position in life? Where would those individuals be if they were without their current status? As a society we tend to gravitate towards the influential and popular in school, work or our friendships. The harsh reality is that we often overlook content and character in lieu of what people have or can do for us.

If our mates chose us on the basis of how we treat them, the kindness we show, the love we provide, and the understanding we provide, who would we choose if we started all over again? Great question as some of us are choosing our mates as we speak and over time our criteria may have changed. Women will adamantly say I married for love; however, the second one will be for money! Are we really going to be happy with an emphasis on material worth in lieu of substance? We may be able to have both but starting with substance could result in a better relationship that will last until death do us part. As we interview and evaluate potential mates, looking for substance could result in finding our unconditional love, one that we will love no matter what…buck naked in the field just as they are.

“Every exit is an entrance to a new experience!”

Have you ever felt confused as something significant changed in your life and you were hesitant to look forward? Moving from your current home or to a new city, leaving a job or leaving a long time relationship could all be instances that bring about fear. If we are resistant to the change that is occurring or has already occurred, it may be causing us unnecessary stress and other negative effects. Have you ever thought about why change is such a bad thing in our eyes? How we handle these significant changes could also negatively affect our family or others that care about us. Being open to change could make all the difference in the world when change is upon us. It may be time for you to view significant changes in your life or exits as an entrance to a new experience in your life.

Leaving your current home or moving to a new city, leaving a job or even leaving a long time relationship could all be the exit you need to go through in order to enter a new experience. Looking at change as a positive experience can have many benefits for us. The only thing in life that is constant is change and approaching change head on with a positive outlook is the right way to go. Accepting the change for what it is instead of kicking and screaming is step one. Don’t waste precious time and energy on looking backwards but instead, formulate a plan to make the change work well for you. Moving to a new home could be your chance to put yourself in a better financial place or it could provide a better living environment that is a boost for your mental state. Leaving a long time job to go to a new company and a new opportunity could be a great time to reset your career. It’s a chance to establish new business relationships, add to your business skills and experience, or move to a company that has a culture that is more in line with your preferences. What about a long term relationship, moving on from one could be a great opportunity to get out of your comfort zone and broaden your experiences. A relationship reset is a chance for you to apply what you have learned from the previous missteps you have made. As we walk through life’s exits, let’s not look back as we open a new door in our lives. Open your next new door with cautious excitement as you move forward to new experiences.

“The power we gain from focus”

When we are out of sync and not doing things like we said we would or planned we have no one to blame but ourselves. Self-improvement is a hot topic throughout society and there are businesses and entrepreneurs that profit from our need and desire for self-improvement. We spend our hard earned money on the idea around continuous improvement only to fall short of our goals due to the many distractions around us. Our environment and those we surround ourselves with are key contributors to our lack of continuous improvement. Procrastination is also a contributing factor, have you ever heard someone say “yep I’m going to start next week but right now I am going to enjoy myself?” We may need to adopt the saying there’s no time like the present!

It’s not out of the question to say that we feel great when we accomplish our goals or see progress. How can we be more consistent? It starts with us being laser focused so we create the power to become better versions of ourselves. We have to get out of our own way as well as not let outside influences deter us from making progress or reaching our goals. If we align ourselves with other focused individuals or groups, then we are less likely to fail. We have to make our goal non-negotiable like a bank check, once the check is completed and signed; changes are not accepted by the bank. It is easy to give in and go with the flow when others try to persuade us to not take our goals so seriously. It’s difficult, only in the beginning, to remain steadfast with our purpose; however, the more we stick to our guns the easier it becomes to stay on track. Let’s start now, not tomorrow, not next week! Our laser focus can give us the power to do the things we set out to do and do them at a high level.

“Do you have a house or a home?”

 A well-known song contains enlightening lyrics that point out the difference between a house and home. The song writer makes it very clear that a home that is missing that someone special is just a house. Relationships can be reminiscent of a house that is devoid of someone special that adds so much meaning to many aspects of life. If you go about life alone and are missing that complimentary person in your life, you in essence only have a house. Characteristics of a house are vacant, without laughter, missing support and encouragement, not containing honest feedback and having a lack of overall fulfillment. We all need uplifting and support through the good and bad times. A house with empty walls and missing the smells of a welcoming place are much less desirable. It’s a place that is just an address with walls and ceilings, just a structure. A house is missing love and enrichment, cold and stark.

When a house goes through the transformation into a home, it’s a very desirable place to be with a welcoming feel. The same is true with a meaningful relationship where there is an obvious presence of love. Smiles and laughter consume every room in which the couple resides. Envious and celebrated love exists and those that are part of the relationship are thankful of the gift they have provided each other. Their home is just that, a warm and inviting place where the walls are filled with extensions of their personality. There are reminders and memories of the great times that have occurred and any empty spaces await the addition of items that capture new memories and experiences. A home is peaceful and bright and is a reflection of the persons that have created this home. Women deserve their just due as their influence and personal touch can be seen throughout the home and relationship. Men add masculinity to the home and relationship that represents safety and security to create a peaceful environment. If you have a home, be thankful and be appreciative of its very existence. Work together with your mate to keep your home just that; keeping a home is much easier than creating  one.

“Are traditions relevant anymore?”

We are a society of people that have traditions all around us, especially during the holidays throughout the year. Traditions have been passed down from one generation to another or are established by cities, states and countries. Traditions can be a positive experience but can attract commercialism as corporations pounce on the opportunity to improve their bottom lines. Traditions can be such a priority that we may even lose our perspective and make sacrifices to our time and finances for the sake of traditions. Are Christmas gifts that important that we have our lights cut off? Do married couples become increasingly separated as one spouse has traditions that the other is not as passionate about? Many traditions originated so long ago we don’t really know why we keep that tradition going. Have you ever researched the origins of any of the holiday traditions that we embrace year after year, you may be surprised what information google has.

It may be time to review the traditions we partake in to see if they are truly valid or are deserving of our time and energy. Many families and friends have created special traditions that have materialized naturally because of a significant evident. Some of the best traditions are just spending time with your loved ones so relationships do not get lost as a result of the mundane things in life. Traditions can be special, bonding and serve as an everlasting connection that keeps us in touch with one another. Traditions often times are started with just a few words, “let’s make sure we do this again, this was great!” The best traditions are those that are still relevant and worthy of our time and sacrifices, if any. New traditions with significant meaning or benefit are worth establishing as we are in need of creating more connections in the times we live in.

“Reflecting is great, what we do next is more important!”

We all have a regret or two from our past that we wish we could undo so we can rewrite those events. Some of us have been and will continue to be our own worst critics, where we continue to beat ourselves up for the missteps we’ve made in the past. What if we were all celebrities or professional athletes whose missteps become so public and get circulated over our multimedia driven world? The silver lining for us is that our missteps may only be known by a few people but that does not mean it was less impactful to someone else. If we dwell on the past we may be causing more harm because we have not moved on from our missteps. Unfortunately, our lives are not a word document so the undo button does not exist so we have to reflect, learn and do better.

Today, this minute, this hour, the now is when we can do better! What we do next is extremely important as we demonstrate to ourselves and those around us that we are better. What we do now is critical to our happiness as we focus on not making the same missteps we have made in the past. It may require us to take it one day at a time until we create new habits or routines or adopt philosophies that improve our decision making. Has someone ever resolved an issue for you but you keep referring back to what went wrong instead of focusing on the solution that was made. It’s next, the now, the new great decisions that we make that are important as we become the best version of ourselves.

“A relationship is only as good as its parts.”

We have heard the quote from Aristotle that “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts“ but what about applying this to relationships? The parts or people within a relationship are the components of the relationship and the relationship is as good as its parts. Relationships are more than not likely to succeed if one of the parts is not as strong as the other part.  If you’ve ever been in a relationship where you were not pulling your weight, I would be willing to bet that your partner at some point made it clear that you were not. It would be safe to say that we have all been there at one time or another. When one of the individuals in the relationship is not in a good place in life then there may be frustration from the other person in the relationship. The stronger of the two may feel as if they are carrying the relationship or feel as though the same effort is not being put forth by both people. It could be for a number of reasons such as, one person not physically pulling their weight by helping with the household chores. It could also be related to financial inequity, everyone is not contributing to the kitty. What about efforts related to keeping the relationship fresh with dating ideas? If only one person is planning or suggesting things to do then the relationship could fizzle out. The relationship can certainly be a challenge when things are not balanced; balance is key for most things in life.

If you are in or have been in a successful relationship then this concept is probably not foreign to you. You cannot expect your partner to be in the exact same place as you but if the parts of the relationship stick together then it will just be a matter of time before it feels like both parts are on equal footing. If we are encouraging and supportive of our partners then there will be a good sum. If you are looking to begin a new relationship then look for someone that is heading in the same direction as you. Remember that a great relationship is mutually beneficial as each part can help the other part learn and grow as the relationship grows and becomes stronger year over year. Know that it is okay to want and expect more than what you’ve had before with the mindset that if each part continues to get better the sum will in turn be as great as its parts.