“Why does divorce have to be so painful?”

Divorce is a necessary evil especially with the divorce rate being so high and getting worse year over year. The only people that benefit from a nasty divorce are the attorneys who salivate over any opportunity to add more billable hours as we make things emotional throughout the process. Divorce is physically, mentally, emotionally and financially draining to put it mildly. The amount of energy and time it takes to plan and have a wonderful wedding pale in comparison to the process of divorce. Marriage is an event that a couple can look forward to as one the most memorable times in their lives. Divorce is an experience that no one wants, plans for or looks forward to until there is no other option. Staying in a bad marriage is elongated torture that has lasting effects beyond divorce. Spite is a term that takes over a marriage as it ends and takes each person out of the character that was once so attractive. Why does divorce have to be so painful?

Take on divorce with a metaphorical survival kit and be prepared for the coming years, yes I said years, that will be engulfed with the long process of divorce. The first step should be to do everything possible in order to save your marriage, yes save your marriage! Look at the person you fell in love with and try to remember that person, not the one that has changed your viewpoint of your marriage. Once you made your decision to dissolve your marriage get all the way out, sever all ties that are not absolutely required such as co-parenting and make sure there is no longer any dependency on your soon to be ex-spouse. Bite the bullet and find a reputable attorney that specializes in divorce not one that does it on the side. If they are not great at divorce it will cost you in the long run.  One of the most important things that you can do is to absolutely, without fail, do not involve the kids at all. They will go through so much as a result of the process and will automatically be part of the collateral damage that will require a massive cleanup project later. Make your divorce a business transaction only, take out the emotions and finger pointing as it will just add to the pain and the bottom line legal costs associated with divorce. This is going to be a long process no matter how amical the relationship feels in the beginning; expect this to change and note this is where the nastiness sets in. There will be some time between hiring a lawyer and the finish line so use your time to determine what life after divorce looks like and plan accordingly. This is a great chance to spin a bad situation into a positive opportunity to make life the way you want it to be. Your new lease on life and the way you envision your life may have evolved over the years as you tried to hold on to your marriage. Both people should expect their lives to change and they should not expect to live life as it were with the partnership that is no more. You are now responsible for your entire life and don’t expect your soon to be ex to play any part in your situation moving forward. Embrace your new independence but also take full responsibility in all that you endeavor in life. Don’t make a bad situation worse, turn the page, remove the emotions as much as possible and make the process of divorce a business transaction. Once complete, divorce could represent a fresh start to a happier well-being in life.